The Words shared by A Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a few days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."